you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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