ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
