Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
tell me about the eggs
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
