My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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