i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
being pregnant is like rehab
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
