After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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