is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
