We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
