I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
