if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I can text with my tongue
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
