Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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