it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
