come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
