Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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