I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
