u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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