Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
