i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
