Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i was born a porn star she said
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
