So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
