i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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