I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
