I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
