what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
