Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
