85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just want nice things and good sex
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
