I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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