every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
