omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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