i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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