Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
