please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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