hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
