hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
