WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
