it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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