Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
babies were throwing up all over the place
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
