FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Randomize
