We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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