Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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