So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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