Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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