I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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