how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
