nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
