He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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