Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
