I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
