I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
