I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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